Sometimes I honestly feel like I need help.
I get these moments where I go stone cold and all I want to do is cry.
I feel like there’s nothing I can do to get rid of that moment, I feel trapped in that moment.
After a while it leaves, but it always comes back.
I’m afraid to get help, I would know who to talk to.
I don’t want to open up to someone I don’t know, but at the same time, I don’t want my friends to think I’m a lost cause, I don’t want anyone to think I’m some sort of freak that needs a phsycologist. That’s what I would say if it weren’t me.
I just can’t seem to open up to anyone.
Everyone keeps asking me what’s wrong, but truth is, I don’t know what’s wrong. Or I don’t know where to start.
I don’t want them to think differently of me, I don’t want them to take it easy on me like they do with a girl in my class that has some issues.
I want to be me.
I miss the old me.
I miss when I didn’t let shit affect me.
Now the slightest thing sets me off.
I used to not give a fuck.
When you get tired of not caring I guess you start to care a lot.
Eveything has changed, they asked me when I started to feel like this, truth is I don’t know.
All I know is that my grades have been going down lately and I’m not studying.
All I know is that that little innocent smile I used to always have is gone now.
I don’t know why.
I don’t want to spend the rest of my life like this.
I miss the old me.
Someone please help.
Sometimes I just want to pack my bags and leave this hell whole.
Not even pack.
Just drop everything and leave.
But there’s something that keeps me tied to this place.
And I don’t know what it is.
Theres something about my school and my friends that I could never ever change.
I’d miss it too much.
There’s something about this life that I have here in Puerto Rico that I’d miss too much.
Sometimes I dream that I’m living the life, a famous actress living in LA.
I’d give the world for that to be true, but I’d take that something that keeps me tied to this place.
I gotta find out what it is first.
I’d do anything to change my life and everyone in it, but I’d keep that one thing.
I just gotta find out what that thing is.
Then I’ll be free.
I hate how you make me feel.
You make my heart skip a beat when I see you.
Looking through old photos and found one of you — I swear, my heart stopped for a minute.
I hate how I have butterflies in my stomach right now just writing this.
I love how you look at me in the hallway.
And I love how your jacket smells.
And the fact that whenever I go into your class, the whole room says your name and you just blush.
But most of all, I hate the fact that you probably fail to see all those details.
I don’t know of you feel the same way, and truth is I’ll never know. Truth is, I’ve never felt this way about a guy before, and truth is, I hate that we’ll never be together.
I hate not knowing what you think of me when I walk past you.
All the signs point towards the fact that you like me, but I just don’t know anymore.
I want someone that will be with me through thick and thin. Someone that wont give up on me the second things get difficult. Someone that respects me and himself. Someone that will text me just to say how much he misses me.
I guess I ask too much of guys, which is why they never get close to my expectations. All I want is someone to be with me. Someone.
Whenever I start to hang out with a boy, it either gets serious or we become best friends. With you, however, neither one happened. I don’t want you as more than a friend but I don’t want you as my best friend either. I just want you to be there for me… with me. You made it clear that you wanted something to do with me, but my best friend has feelings for you and I value her relationship with me more than I value you and I’s. I’ll admit that I did have feelings for you, but because of her, we could never be more than friends. You have a girlfriend. I’ll admit that I don’t like it, mostly because we were friends and you didn’t tell me.. Also because I wanted you with me. I don’t know if anything will ever happen between us. But it would be cool if something did happen… You’re the bad boy type.